Don't they know it's Christmas?

'Happy Christmas habibi!', said my colleague Ayman as he firmly shook one of my hands and pressed a cheese sandwich into the other. He had brought it from home as a Christmas gift.

He knew it was Christmas. And he's Egyptian. So apart from his own muslim holidays he also has the confusion of the orthodox christian Christmas to remember in a couple of weeks time.

Our tea boy didn't know it was Christmas. He chose today to display particular joys of the season by reporting me to my boss (again) for using a Ministry of Interior coffee mug. A ceramic item that has achieved almost idolatry status in the office kitchen.

The Mattawi know it's Christmas. And they're not happy about it. They are the Saudi religious police, or to give them their full title, The Committee for Virtue and the Prevention of Vice. It is they that patrol the streets ensuring that all women wear an abeya and that all the shops close five times a day so as not to distract anyone from prayer.

Rumour has it that the Mattawi have stepped up patrols in the period leading up to Christmas to prevent any outward signs of celebration being shown. As with Valentines Day anything red is deemed inappropriate and shop window displays are particularly scrutinized.

In Riyadh on the streets and in the shopping malls there is no sign whatsoever that today is Christmas day. I doubt that there is any other country in the world that is (at best) so ambivalent to Christmas as Saudi Arabia is. Perhaps North Korea? South Korea has promised to call off their annual 'carol service' this year. Every Christmas they blast South Korean christmas carols northward from strategically placed loudspeakers on the border. They have cancelled this years annual Taunt Fest in due deference to the passing of Kim Jong (I told you I was) Il.

The upside of losing the Dear Leader and with it no doubt being plunged into a catastrophic famine killing millions while the countries resources are channeled into the manufacture of new statues is that they'll be missing out on this particular human rights violation.

My taxi driver didn't know it was Christmas. He was from Kashmir. As we fought our way through the Riyadh evening rush hour traffic the street traders wandered perilously in and out of the moving cars trying to sell phone cards and roses. The roses today were yellow and not the usual red. Perhaps they were wary of the Mattawi.

The bell boy at my hotel knew it was Christmas. We get on well. He rushed across the foyer to shake my hand wishing me Christmas greetings before adding (rather unnecessarily) 'Not much celebration sir'.

But I know it's Christmas and at least I won't need to sleep off the cheese sandwich in front of the Queen's speech tonight.

Happy Christmas everyone.

Those aren't pillows

I've been in Saudi Arabia for a week now. My company have put me up in a perfectly passable 4* hotel in central Riyadh on a main street near some big brand names and swanky looking (yet obviously 'dry') restaurants. I have another three weeks in which to find somewhere more permanent.

Tonight I took a walk to the laundry which is understandably not on the main drag and I decided on my way back that I would call in for dinner at one of the less internationally renowned eateries on the back streets.

I chose one place that seemed popular (in a kinda one bloke at a table kinda way) and which had a kitchen that was visible directly from the street outside... not something that Gary Rhodes is bold enough to do eh?

After twice refusing to be directed out of the restaurant by mein host towards some neon lit establishments that would (in his opinion) cater better for my delicate English tastes I sat down for a meal that I ordered in the timeless way of just pointing inanely at someone else's choice of food. As there was only one other customer it was a case of 'I'll have what he's having'.

The result is that I have just had a huge meal and the only thing I can identify with any degree of certainty was the bottle of coke that came with it. There were some green things that could have been cabbage, some red stuff and some white stuff crumbled on top. And it was both delicious delicious and very cheap... the whole dining experience cost me less than one of your shiny English pounds.

And it reminded me why I love traveling. I do it to get lost. Tonight I could have been the only westerner in Riyadh, and frankly no westerner with any sense would be here at the weekend, but I'm really starting to enjoy being here. It's different and I can get lost.

Wordless Wednesday

My Saudi bucket list

I plan to start spreading my wings in January. Saudi is a big old country and not many people get the chance to visit here. Internal flights are cheap so this is my bucket list of places to visit while I am here:

1. Mada'in Saleh

Ancient city of the Nabetean people who built Petra in Jordan. Includes over 100 rock carved tombs with ornate facades set deep in the desert.

2. Jeddah

The old town features ancient merchants houses built of coral blocks overlooking the Red Sea.

3. Dir'aiyah

Ancient mud city of the Saud tribe just outside Riyadh.

4. Jubbah

Ancient rock paintings of animals in the middle of the Namud Desert.

5. Rajajil

Known as 'Saudi's stonehenge'. An area of ancient standing stones near the Jordanian border.

6. Habalah

The 'hanging city' built into a 300 m high cliff face in the southern mountains.

7. Al Soudah

The Black Mountain. The highest peak in the kingdom.

8. Najran

Much like Yemen which is just over the border, there are many 'mud skyscrapers' in a large oasis.

9. Janadriyah Festival

Massive folk festival held every February just north of Riyadh.

10. Abha

Mountain top town in the south with busy market and old stone houses.

Wordless Wednesday

57 - Saudi Arabia

'Would you like a guide book for Oman?', said the Dubai Duty Free assistant unhelpfully. You see I'd asked him for a copy of the Lonely Planet Guide to Saudi Arabia, it does exist, I know it does. You can buy it from Amazon. Why would a guide book to Oman be of any use to me if I was going somewhere completely different? It's not like it's a decent second best.

Anyhow, after a smooth two hour flight and a surprisingly long drive from the rather shabby King Khalid Airport to downtown Riyadh I am now in my (wireless equipped) hotel room which will be my home for a month until I can sort out more permanent accommodation.

My first impression as we flew in was that Riyadh looks like Dubai a decade ago. Scattered low rise buildings with roads snaking off into the dark desert. My hotel is in the shadow of the 300m high Al Mamlaka/Kingdom Centre tower which to me looks like a giant potato peeler.

The posh 5* hotel that you
can see from my hotel.

When you arrive in Riyadh as a first timer you have to give scanned fingerprints and have your photo taken, fortunately as the plane was almost empty there were no queues but oddly after my scans I was told to sit and wait five minutes before being told to proceed to baggage recovery. That was a very long five minutes, I sat wondering what the scan had revealed about me.

The shop next door will come into
its own if I need some trays.

I've brought two Macs with me and I was a bit worried that they would be impounded at the airport for inspection but I wasn't even stopped as I walked through which was a relief. My preconception about Riyadh, namely that you get whipped for only wearing one pair of trousers, was proved unfounded.

Bye Bye Dubai

After eleven and a half years it's finally time to say goodbye to Dubai, something I probably should have done a few years ago. Tomorrow I leave for Riyadh, Saudi Arabia and a whole new adventure.

I'm on my way to getting this waistline back. :)

I came to Dubai in June 2000 and it was a very different place to todays city and really if I'm honest a lot nicer place to live. It was more relaxed and friendly, there was perhaps only about 10,000 British expats here, now the number is more like 100,000. The Burj Al Arab and Emirates Towers had only just been finished and no Thursday night out would be complete without a visit to Scarlett's, Rock Bottom or The Alamo. Budgie and Flame roundabouts were still there and the army football stadium was still at defence roundabout. The Rugby 7's was still the biggest night of the year with its crowd of about 5,000.

Where are the other buildings?

I remember my first Friday which was spent at a beach barbeque near the Burj Al Arab. On the journey there we passed only a dozen or so vehicles on a near empty Sheikh Zayeed Road and after the BBQ went for drinks at Sheikh Mohammad's private barasti where Rod Stewart had been staying on his honeymoon only a few weeks before. We even went to the 'secret room' that could only be reached after an underwater swim from the pool.

Sheikh Zayeed Road

In my time here I've made a lot of friends and had a lot of memorable times... and some I don't even remember. Here's to the next adventure.

More National Day hi-jinks

Some people aren't content with just decorating their house.